The Power of Self-Talk

We all talk to ourselves, just admit it. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all have internal dialog, called self-talk. For athletes, this is a powerful tool that can go one of two ways; it can lead down the path of self-destruction, or, with a bit of practice, this learned skill can act as a positive tool to enhance self-confidence and performance development. This inner voice that I am referring to can be difficult to identify at times and may happen subconsciously, but by practicing mindfulness, we have the power to change and direct our inner dialog to become beneficial tools instead of detrimental ones. 

Self-talk is a skill I wish I had grasped earlier on in my sports career. This was an area I wasn't particularly strong at and I truly became aware of it midway into my college career. After a heart-to-heart with one of my coaches, I was able to approach this subject with an open mind and challenge myself to practice mindfulness and positive self-encouragement. I was a player who greatly struggled with self-confidence, come to find out, my self-talk was hurting me more than I could have imagined. As a coach, I see young girls struggling with this same issue and I hope to shed some light on how powerful this tool is, not only on the court but in other aspects of our lives. I believe that introducing this concept of self-talk at a young age, allows more time to practice its positive effects on AND off the court. I aim to empower the younger generations and help them overcome similar obstacles I have faced by passing on the knowledge I have gained over the past years. After reading this you should be equipped with the tools you need to; identify self-talk, understand its impacts of it, and be able to guide yourself down a positive path of resilience and self-confidence thus helping you to unlock your true potential.

How to identify it:

Self-talk can be tricky to identify, especially if this is a new concept for you.  As I have experienced, sometimes your inner voice isn't as loud as an overall feeling or emotion; for example disappointment or frustration after making a mistake. In that case, it is important to acknowledge that emotion, as it plays a role in your self-talk, then challenge yourself to identify your subconscious inner dialog revolving around that emotion. When you get frustrated try to notice what you are telling yourself. Is it the same thing you would tell your teammates? If your teammate were to make a mistake, are you saying: “Wow you suck right now, you need to do better” or, are you being encouraging, “You were so close, you got the next one. I know you can do it.” A simple way to put it is - you need to be as nice to yourself as you are to others.  

Studies show that our brains have natural tendencies to remember the bad and quickly forget the good. Therefore, we must train our brains to re-focus on the positives in order to correct that behavior and see real progress. It is common and very natural to be a lot harder on yourself than we are with others but we must remember to be our own biggest cheerleaders and be as nice to ourselves as we are to our teammates, especially in difficult times.

Impacts of Self-talk: 

One of my coaches, Ron Swerver was someone who I greatly looked up to and tried to learn from as much as possible. He taught me many valuable lessons, one revolving around body language and how it contributes to self-talk and a player's overall confidence. My mistakes were very apparent through my body language; slouching, keeping my head down, and not wanting to make eye contact are examples of poor body language. These negative physical reactions to my mistakes influenced negative self-talk ultimately depleting my self-confidence. Not only did my body language poorly reflect my own self-confidence, but it also discouraged my coaches and teammates to have confidence in me as well. My reactions to my mistakes were so automatic after doing the same thing for years, it took a deep dive into some self-reflection to realize these patterns and break away from them. 

After reading some sports psychology books and self-help books, something that stood out to me was that “Our brains can’t tell the difference between reality and our thoughts.” In other words, if we fake our confidence our bodies can not differentiate what is real and what is not. This is truly the definition of fake it until you make it. After a mistake, keep your head held high, make eye contact with your teammates, and let them know you got the next one. Reinforcing positive body language will help to keep your self-talk positive and encouraging. Over time you will start to buy into this “false sense of confidence” as our brains won't be able to tell whether it's real or not. 

Volleyball is a game of mistakes, you will make them, and it is inevitable. But, how you handle them is what separates the best athletes from the rest and it is completely within your control. If you are a player who finds themselves playing to not make a mistake, read carefully….

One of the most important aspects of the game is how fast you can recover from your mistake. Some of you may have heard this explained as quick memory loss, but I’d rather look at each mistake or failure as the recipe for success. You can not have success without failure, as their relationship with each other is codependent. Instead, look at your failed attempts as a learning curve, not a mistake. This outlook allows you to make mistakes (as they will happen),  learn from them, and maintain your confidence. This shift in perspective will help lead you down the path of resilience and obtain greater outcomes of success as long as you remain your own biggest cheerleader along the way. 

How to change it:

Once we have practiced becoming aware of our self-talk and being mindful of our body language, the next step is to reprogram ourselves to think differently than what our past behaviors have already hardwired into our brains. That means stop the negative self-talk when you notice it and replace it with positive encouragement. For example, if I were to make a mistake, let's say I missed a dig, my natural tendency for self-talk was, “I have to get those up. I don't want to be subbed out.” First, identify the self-talk, then correct it by changing it to something more positive and productive like, “Good touch, you are right there. Next time I am getting that ball up.” 

The head coach at the time told me something that I will never forget; as a setter - the leader on the court, you have to be the captain of the ship even when the ship is sinking. It took me some time to connect the dots between this comment and what Ron was trying to teach me about body language. This small comment resonated with me as it related to my personal theme of the year in working to change my body language, improve my positive self-talk, and help me gain my self-confidence back. This simple little phrase taught me a lot about what a leader is supposed to look and act like. For example; Let’s say it’s a tight match and my outside hitter went for an attack down the line as she saw it open but missed slightly hitting it out of bounds laterally. Go up to the hitter and help instill confidence in her by saying, “You have the right idea, you saw it open just keep swinging.” That type of leadership and encouragement is something to keep in mind for how you treat yourself as well. If it is easier to encourage and lead your teammates, how can you find ways to show yourself the same support?  

In conclusion, self-talk is a very important piece of an athlete's mental game as it has a direct correlation to one’s confidence. I encourage young athletes to become aware of their self-talk if they are not already, so they can start the practice of re-training their brains to react positively in negative situations. I was a player who had high expectations and was very hard on myself. In retrospect, when I was not meeting those expectations my self-talk became negative which was very detrimental to my confidence and my development as an athlete. Self-talk was something I learned later in my volleyball career and I wish I had learned it at a younger age so that I could have had more time practicing it. As a coach, I spend a lot of time talking about and teaching the mental aspect of the game since it appears that it isn't something that is not taught very much but is just as important as the physical aspect of the sport. I like to introduce the topic of self-talk at a young age to give the players a chance to identify it and work toward improving it over time.

Volleyball is a game of mistakes. How we conduct ourselves and our thinking after those mistakes is what separates the Elite players from everyone else. The better we can control our self-talk and use it as a beneficial tool, the more we will see it positively contribute to our confidence as well as result in greater outcomes of player development. Harnessing the true value and power of positive self-talk will help guide each player down the path of unlocking their true potential.